YIn Yang Vision

Just Ask Marge

2011-10-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

Marge knows everything. Maybe it’s because she was once a carpenter. Or, maybe it’s because she is a breast cancer survivor who used both Western and complementary medicine for her own health. Or, maybe it’s because she is now a body worker and her clients come to her for advice about their own healing. More likely, it’s because she is a consummate consumer, constantly shopping, networking and comparing? When it comes to buying tires, sexual lubricant, or which doctor to go to, Marge has the answer.

I’ve come to learn not only does Marge know all things material; she excels at everything earthy as well. Largely, our relationship had been defined in the context of growing food. For several years, we’ve started seeds together in the spring and then Marge grows them into healthy seedlings under a grow light set-up in her basement. When our hands are not covered in humus, we both love to sculpt and mold Earth’s other treasure, clay. We discuss building techniques, glazing, and our self-consciousness as emerging artists. The creative process beckons us both. Whether we are comparing our heirloom tomatoes or one another’s sculptures, we are always eyeballing each other’s developing skills.

On a professional level, Marge is a massage therapist – I, an acupuncturist. Our discussions about health are served up like volleys in a tennis match, each of us taking great pleasure in discussing the ins and outs of all probable and possible disease processes. We land questions into each other’s courts, which force us to mobilize our minds for answers. The speed of these volleys is energizing but it’s the accuracy of our intuitions that keep each of us in the game. There are other qualities about Marge that make me feel like she and I are well matched: she has high standards and is thorough and structured. I am organized, resourceful and experimental. Not only could this woman be my guide and collaborator, I finally had someone to compete with.

After one too many unwelcomed awakenings by sunrise light glaring through the metal-slatted shades hanging in my bedroom, I decided a good night’s sleep was more important than the money I would spend on new blinds. I knew I needed good sleep, the deep restorative kind, but the problem was I had no idea where to get shades so I asked Marge.

“Go to JC Penny’s,” she said without missing a beat as if anticipating my question for a week, “they always have sales and you can probably get them even cheaper online.”

“J.C. Penney’s?” I thought J.C. Penny’s was a destination for suburban moms taking their kids for discount school shopping.

“Nobody thinks about going to J.C. Penny’s anymore but they have the largest selection of curtains and shades around,” she said more adamantly.

“Wow – Marge, you know everything!”

“Hey, if you need an answer, just call Marge,” she said in a mock radio commercial voice.

I followed her advice. Not only were the very expensive shades 70% off the regular sale price at Penny’s; my husband, Craig, and I had lively repartee with the sales woman who helped us narrow down our choices in the complex and specification-spinning world of window shade procurement. They are perfect; the darkness of the room now coddles our old dog, Golda, and us in the early morning hours. I had a cave.

Recently I discovered an enlarged lymph node in my left groin signaling me that the non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma I’ve had for fifteen years has re-surfaced. Craig tangles his body up with mine every night now, using his limbs and intent to rope me into my own body. He was frightened by this third re-occurrence. One night as he tugged the rope tight he whispered into my ear, “Don’t die.”

Golda, our sixteen-year-old dog, and I, are use to dealing with lumps and bumps. Golda, a spectacularly beautiful mix of serenity and killer instinct is slowing down in spite of her perpetual puppy affect. Now deaf, she lays in the middle of our path to the bathroom at night so she can still track us. She is filled with tumors in her body cavity and recovering from a surgery on her foot where a fast growing one was removed. It is conceivable to me that she, my guardian, is using her own body to absorb and protect me from the cancer. We, two older gals, have our daily routines and are keeping pace with each other. She sleeps in every morning and through most of the day now, retreating into the darkness of our cave.

When my mortality is threatened I have a routine. First, I retreat into an interior space. It is like a cave but there are no walls; no one else has access to this space – not my husband, not my best friend, not Marge, and barely myself. My interior cave is a dark space below the surface of my ordinary awareness where I am very still, and where a deep, wordless assessment goes on. I have no fear in that space. When my hand brushed over the protruding lump in my groin I knew it was time to mobilize. The time had come once again for changes. Shit, this is going to be a lot of work I thought to myself as I lay in the still darkness.

It’s when I have re-occurrences that I bring Bones off the shelf. Bones is a foot long flexible rubber skeleton that I bought at a thrift store when I was first diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 1996. He was probably some person’s cheap Halloween decoration but he is now an old friend and advisor to me. The way his skull is permanently cocked at an angle and the accompanying wry smile always makes me laugh. Although Bones needs props to hold up his constitutionally droopy body, I place him in all kinds of nonchalant gestures that communicate his knowingness. This is how I look death in the eye or rather, eye socket: Bones relaxing in the kitchen as sits, leaning his back on a coffee cup; Bones tucked under the covers of our bed with his vacant eye sockets looking into the distance; Bones propped on top of napkins in a basket, his head leaning against the handle, laughing at an inside joke. When Craig chances upon Bones in a new location, he even talks to him, “How’s it going today, Bones? Hey – let me fix you up here so you are more comfortable.”

When I found the first tumor fifteen years ago, Yi Ren Qigong was my treatment of choice. Within eight weeks I was in remission and I still had two weeks to go in a ten-week class on this ancient healing practice. For forty minutes a day, I devoted myself to Qigong: I felt sensations of both profound calm and catalyzing heat; exhilaration flowed through out my entire body until one day I felt no lump at all in my groin. Developing the skills to become receptive to my own energy field increased my confidence in the self-healing ability of my body. I chose surgery for the second re-occurrence. At the time, I viewed surgery as a clean and efficient way to remove a mass, and it was much less work than doing Qigong everyday. With the current lump I was again faced with a choice. Which treatment modality should I use for this enlarged lymph node? It showed up on the same side that I had surgery previously, which suggests that Qigong was more effective than surgery.

The rub with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma is that it never goes completely away because it is a systemic disease so it is like living with a chronic condition that likely will spread through the lymphatic system at some point. My oncologist recommended I remain in a “watch and wait” mode until more symptoms arise although I could opt for a monoclonal antibody treatment, which has few side effects and would likely suppress the tumor for two years or so. I am the kind of patient that given the choice will always choose to work with the self-healing capacity of the body. I agree with Hippocrates, “Natural forces within us are the true healers of disease.” Time to talk to Marge.

It was a week later in late August when Marge and I were walking around Seward Park that I mentioned I wasn’t feeling any clear direction for how to treat this cancer. However, I did have the notion that I needed to change my body’s chemistry as a first goal for addressing the enlarged lymph node. Cancer thrives in acid environments.

I announced, “I need to cut sugar out of my diet so my body can become more alkaline. I need to create the conditions that inhibit cancer growth.”

Marge agreed, “Definitely, you need to cleanse.” Then she stopped in her tracks, arched her body like a bow and let loose these arrows in rapid succession, “You know – wheat grass is so powerful. For that matter, doing a raw food cleanse and colonics is really the only way to really change yourself on a cellular level.”

“Yeah, but raw foods just seems so extreme. I mean, I’ve noticed that the people who go on raw food diets feel great but they seem so spacey and ungrounded; then they go off the diet, do something else extreme and keep ricocheting from one unbalanced diet to the next.”

Marge looked at me again, “Well, cancer is an extreme!”

“True,” I had to admit.

That’s when Marge ran for the ball, “I know I can go to extremes but just eating raw food is a trip. And, wheatgrass contains all these amino acids, 17, I think, and is rich in protein and besides it has vitamin A, B, C, K and K. I like it. I like how it makes me feel. Yeah, I really should do another cleanse…hmmm…I need it too.”

Marge went on to describe the two visits she made previously to Optimum Institute for Health in Austin, and twice she did a home retreat where she used their program for a few weeks. The program consisted of wheatgrass in the morning and afternoon; drinking Rejuvelac all day, exercise to move the lymphatic system, quiet reflective time, and platters of food vibrating with vitality and whole nutrition for each meal. The platters consisted mainly of raw vegetables, nuts and seeds with an emphasis on sprouts because of their high enzyme content.

“Rejuvewhat?” I asked

“Rejuvelac is a probiotic drink made from sprouted wheat or rye, even quinoa – it’s not bad – you get used to it. If you’re interested I can show you how to make it. You need to drink a gallon every two days. It replenishes the intestinal flora which you need to do because you are getting colonics.”

“Tell me about the colonics. I’ve never done that.”

“Colonics are the best way to get accumulated wastes and toxins out of the bowel. You have to do a lot of them to get at the sludge built up in the large intestine. But, it’s amazing how you feel once you start dumping that mucoid plaque and guck that’s just been sitting there in your colon for years. All the puffy areas of your body like under your arms and your belly just go away. I felt so good after all my cleanses.”

“Hmmm, sounds good, strong immunity does come from the gut.” I replied.

I was chewing on her words, all the puffy areas of your body like under your arms and your belly just go away, when Marge offered to do a cleanse with me for a week and teach me how to make all the special raw food concoctions like seed cheese, dehydrated nut crackers and sprout burgers that keep a raw foodist grounded and satisfied.

Marge is so hip and so generous too. The fire element is strong in her; she has short red hair with sharp, jagged edges that flames forward. Her upward slanting blue eyes are mischievous, sometimes mocking. She has one of those enviable tight bodies and little muscular, expressive hands that animate the air she moves in. This is going to be fun. We set a start date right then and there.

It was early September but we were fortunate to be in the midst of an Indian summer so eating raw food was going to be easy and accessible since both of us have productive gardens abundant with heirloom tomatoes, cucumbers, and greens. Amazingly, garden envy and competition never got in the way of us sharing tips on planting, growing, harvesting and preserving food throughout the season.

When Marge and I started the cleanse, we were equipped but not very well prepared. I had quit my morning coffee and was starting to eat semi raw for a week before the cleanse but Marge didn’t give up her coffee or ice cream until the day before. I had to hustle and spend some big bucks to buy the essentials. I bought whatever Marge told me to buy but I had no idea what to do with it all. Long trays of wheatgrass choked off all the space in our respective refrigerators, sprouting containers consumed the kitchen counters and varying sized plastic bags of seeds, nuts and grains were scattered everywhere. Our Champion juicers, Vita-mixers, wheat grass juicers, and dehydrators usually relegated to taking a backseat to other appliances were now front and central to our daily culinary operations.

I called on Marge constantly, “I was reading about the Rejuvelac and it seems like the Hippocrates Institute isn’t using it anymore because they did testing on it and found it had bad bacteria in it. Do you think we should still drink it?”

Marge had the supposition that it could be a money thing with the Hippocrates Institute. Then she responded dryly, “Just do the program Joyce! And just stop researching so much - you are going to end up knowing more than me.” Her logic, as always, was sound, “Rejuvelac is a fermented drink so why is it different from all live cultures which has diverse microorganisms in it?”

“True, I replied, “What makes it any different from eating sauerkraut which has bacteria from the air? It has a tangy flavor – with these hot days, I don’t have any resistance to drinking it.”

“Yeah – I think it’s fine,” Marge concluded.

Although we were using the basic program from the Optimum Health Institute, we made many adjustments because we did not have the luxury of being on retreat and dedicating all our time to ourselves. Marge and I both saw clients and ran errands during the week. Marge decided she was going to drink more green juices throughout the day to keep her energy up. I anchored my meals with avocados even though I knew sprouts should take up more of my plate. And, I decided to eat fruit in the mornings because our grapes and blackberries were ripe and delicious. Some natural medicine practitioners suggest that a cancer patient should eliminate all fructose, even those found in fruit, but others view fruits as having a cleansing effect on the body. Marge thought it was fine to eat a little bit.

I told my husband that he was going to be on his own for meals during the next week or two so he needed to do his own shopping and preparations. Craig was familiar with this scene: He had cured abscessed acne on his face and back when he was eighteen years old with a strictly raw food’s diet. After that experience, he ate raw food for nearly two years.

Two days into the cleanse, he came home and started making his dinner when he realized he only had about six square inches of counter space available to him.

“I think I’ll just grill meat outside and, tell you what, I’ll eat out there too,” he said generously.

I gratefully agreed since I was on a steep learning curve, which took all my attention. There was a constant need to rinse sprouts, soak seeds, conduct daily food experiments and of course, check-in with Marge by phone. Being consumed with this new food alchemy brought fullness to my otherwise very low caloric days. For the next two weeks, Craig found satisfaction as he sat hunched over his dinners, with jackknife in hand, eating his “caveman” diet of grilled meat and raw veggies outside by himself while inside the kitchen, I managed my metabolism with a mixture of desperation and creativity. He was losing weight and energized by his diet, and feeling more secure about my survival as he watched my daily productivity increase and artistry with our garden food amplify. He was grooving on what was trending in our home. We have always had the knack of staying in parallel, moving towards change, side by side.

Marge thought we should schedule three colonics in one week with Gloria. It is typical when doing a cleanse to have colonics spaced closely together. We drove together and caucused about our physical and emotional reactions to the cleanse, and shared intimate information on all intestinal matters, specifically - color, shape, volume and frequency.

I assessed myself, “I definitely feel altered but stable. I had a bowel movement the day after the colonic. I love not having any attraction to sugar. I can just walk by a chocolate chip cookie. It’s the first time in my life that I don’t have any cravings. None! Zip! It’s as if I’m feeling what real hunger feels like and I can satisfy it with whole foods. I feel so free.”

Marge confessed, “I feel like crap; I’m feeling so spacey, and bloated – eck, I haven’t had a bowel movement since the last colonic. I feel awful. I don’t know what’s going on….this never happened with my other cleanses.”

“Maybe your you don’t have enough digestive fire in your middle burner to handle cold food? Chinese medicine speak for maybe your intestinal flora isn’t transforming and assimilating the raw food? Maybe you should be taking probiotics? Maybe I’m stressing you out with all my questions,” I teased.

Marge shared that it made a big difference for her in the past to be in a totally supportive environment like the Optimum Health Institute when she did her cleanses. We both found it hard to see clients and be on a cleanse at the same time because we were struggling to keep up with our own metabolism, never mind anyone else’s issues. Being able to concentrate, listen and attend to the needs of one’s own body can be life changing for individuals who use their energy to be in service to others. Healers are often excellent at diagnosing and treating others yet struggle to read their own body signals. We spent much of our car rides reflecting and questioning each other, puzzling out our different health issues and reactions to the cleanse and then alternately discussing how we would preserve our tomatoes and what we might plant for cover crops. Marge convinced me to try wheatgrass as a cover crop on one of our drives to the clinic.

On our first visit, we went back and forth like goofy young girls about who was going to get the colonic first. I suggested Marge go first since she was having a headache. Marge countered with a twisted sympathetic tone, “You go first – you have cancer.”

“Oh, you are sooo good!” I laughed as I moved towards the door of the clinic.

Gloria, a stately black woman with quiet dignity in her early sixties, was a colon hydrotherapist with many years of experience. With just the right proportions of instruction and sensitivity, Gloria handed me the sterilized disposable plastic fitting for me to insert approximately two inches into my anus. There were five different metal knobs to my left, which she periodically turned as warm water filled my colon creating peristalsis and then emptied out while I maintained my own internal self-talk about relaxing and letting go. I rode the waves of mild discomfort turning into ease as she did reflexology on my feet and pressed her hands down on my belly. There was no smell but there were visuals. Through a mirror, I could see the contents that were being eliminated – small brown chunks and earth tone particles rushed in water through a clear tube on their way to the septic system.

Gloria started informing me about how this whole colon business works, “If we maintain a healthy diet of eating live foods, lots of fruits and vegetables, drink enough water, exercise, limit stress and keep the intestinal flora at a good balance, ideally, we should have a bowel movement after each meal or your output in bowel movements should be equal to your input – meaning, food intake. But everyone should have at least one bowel movement a day.”

“So, the hardened buildup of fecal matter that adheres to the walls of the colon is why we don’t eliminate as frequently?” I ask.

“Yes. “Anything with white flour and dairy, the mucous forming foods, causes the fecal matter to stick to the colon. Every time you have a bowel movement, it leaves a residue and gets hard over time.

“Yuck….so with colon hydrotherapy, we’re kinda washing the insides of the colon?”

“Yes, because once your colon is super hydrated, it loosens and moves the old stools out of crevices and pockets. It’s like when you soak a lasagna pan overnight and it loosens up the hardened stuff on the sides of the pan – it’s the same with how water helps remove the buildup from the walls of the colon. Water in, waste out.”

“So – what will keep my colon clean after these initial sessions?

“It' a good idea to get your colon washed out at a minimum seasonally and eat naturally fermented foods or take a good probiotic supplement. Especially, if you have been taking antibiotics, antidepressants, steroids, birth control pills, and pain medications. These medications either affect the natural peristalsis of the intestines or the good intestinal flora in the gut.

“I eat fermented food so I’m getting my probiotics that way. I don’t take any medications.” I say proudly. “I was wondering what is the role of the liver in the elimination process?”

“If the colon is congested, the liver doesn’t work as efficiently at removing the toxins from the blood. Clean your colon and it indirectly impacts the health of the entire body. Also, lifestyle and environmental factors play a huge part in our digestive health. So always be conscious of what you eat, breath and think.”

Always be conscious of what I eat, breath and think. I was ruminating on her words and fascinated by our conversation but my eyes were glued to the tube and what was being expelled from my body.

On the third appointment, I returned to the car where Marge was waiting for her turn and said, “Oh man, I got allot of sludge out today. It was really dark brown and it just kept coming.”

Marge was enthusiastic, “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff you want to get to.” She got out of the car with a determined look on her face. She returned an hour later and conveyed the humorous conversation she had with Gloria after she moved her own mountain of sludge.

“O.K., Gloria – Joyce and I are always competing – in a good way – so I just want to know, who had the most sludge? Am I winning?” Marge asked boldly.

Gloria responded, “Oh, definitely, hands down, you are winning.”

After more and more sludge kept coming out, both Gloria and Marge realized that this might not be quite the victory Marge had imagined. Marge asked nervously “Is this good or bad?”

Gloria answered honestly, “I didn’t realized you had been eating so poorly this past year. I bet Joyce eats better than you.” Marge expressed her regret that she didn’t transition better for this cleanse.

“So, are you saying that Joyce won?”

Marge and Gloria laughed and acknowledged me as the inadvertent victor.

At the end of the first week, we both agreed to continue on our cleanse for another week but with some modifications. I was feeling energized; I had a strong momentum for this method. Marge continued to feel spacey, bloated and uncomfortable in spite of periodic relief from the colonics so she eliminated the Rejuvelac as well as nuts and seeds but she continued on wheatgrass, raw food, green drinks and included a fiber supplement. I took Gloria’s recommendation and did a modified Super Detox Cleanse program for the second week. There are many different kinds of cleanses but they all have overlapping principles of using simplified nutrition like fruits and vegetables and sometimes supplements as a means to detoxify the body. I took a fiber supplement with bentonite clay three times a day and did a juice fast for two days and then returned to the wheatgrass and raw foods diet for the rest of the week. Even though we started on the same program, we both customized it for our individual needs. As anyone who has been on the self-healing path knows, it is essential to listen to the feedback from one’s own body. Marge started eating warm miso soup, not a raw food but a live food, in the evenings; her symptoms eventually abated. Both of us had another colonic coming at the end of the week and were motivated to make this last dump matter.

I found myself looking at all aspects of my life through an intestinal lens. This clarity emerged: all input needs to be processed, utilized and the remainder, eliminated. From this premise, I started looking around my immediate environment and reignited the sorting process of things, some inherited but mostly acquired throughout my adult life: objects, projects, clothes, shoes, jackets, papers that had somehow gotten stuck in the intestinal colon of my home. Previously, I felt immobilized by sentimental attachments about making these decisions but now I felt catalyzed and definite about what things still felt nourishing or useful and what felt like waste. The objects designated as waste suddenly appeared as stagnant and lifeless as manufactured food without nutritional value.

It was inevitable that I would offer this advice to Marge who led a very active life, “You know, you are so busy going to this meeting or that one that you aren’t able to process the input you bring into your life. It’s like growing food but not getting the benefit of its nourishment. You need to stay home more and digest.” She listened.

I witnessed perfect yin/yang choreography: as more crap came out of my colon, the cleaner my house became. I started paying attention to small messes and wiping down surfaces, counters, and walls. I finally got around to making and using simple, low-cost, non-toxic cleansers for my home so the cleanliness of my insides would match the outside. Skin brushing became part of my routine. Before I took a shower, I used a dry bristle brush with a long handle, moving from digits on my hands and feet to my heart, increasing surface circulation and opening the pores for metabolic wastes to be eliminated. At night when Craig lies next to me, I slide his hand down the silky topography of my skin, “Feel this.”

Movement. It’s all about flow. The blood circulation has the heart, which pumps blood through the whole system. However, the lymphatic system has no pump so it is dependent on deep breathing and exercise to circulate materials through the lymph; the diaphragm and skeletal muscles push the flow. To increase my own lymphatic flow, I jumped on my mini-trampoline to music after a shot of wheatgrass each morning. Wheatgrass helps to rebuild the blood stream so it can handle the toxins going out of the body. Based on a Qigong technique of stimulating channel flow, I used my hands to slap my intestines in a clockwise direction and then slapped the yin meridians that bypassed the enlarged lymph node as I jumped up and down on the trampoline. Every morning I sprung into the air, bouncing, slapping and moving with improvisational explosions of spontaneous movement. Move. Move. Slap. Slap.

By the end of the second week of my raw food regime, I realized that this world of raw foods was BIG and it was both stretching and shrinking all of my previous concepts about food. In Chinese medicine, I learned that it is better to eat cooked food because it comes into the body already broken down which makes it more digestible. But there is no doubt that some nutrition is lost through the cooking process. Raw food is totally intact nutritionally but it wasn’t this fact alone that was starting to sway me; it was the aesthetics. The composition of color and texture on my dinner plate amplified the taste sensations into a vibrant experience for not just the palette, but also all the senses, which brought delight and satisfaction. On my plate, sliced heirloom tomatoes sat next to mounds of adzuki and lentil sprouts which sat next to thin slices of Japanese cucumbers which sat next to freshly fermented sauerkraut which sat next to slices of avocado which sat next to another mound of mung sprouts. Radish sprouts, fresh basil, and thinly sliced red radish roots and red onion were sprinkled over this plate of glistening abundance and fresh flavors. My own brand of Marge’s dehydrated seed crackers acted as fins for this whale of a meal. Although later, I made more complex raw food recipes, I always found satisfaction with the sincerity and directness of simple foods on a plate.

Without eating any starches or gluten or grain carbohydrates, I feel energized, clear and focused. In a word: efficient. Gone are the gucked up sensations and constant distraction of cravings for stimulants, mostly in the form of sugars. When I go shopping for food, I just buy actual food, the actual building blocks of nutrition like seeds and beans, legumes and grains for sprouting, nuts, fruits and vegetables, no filler or processed food, nothing packaged except coconut and olive oil. I didn’t mind paying more for these items because the volume of my shopping cart was reduced to a quarter of its previous size. Now I am able to process all the food I need in my own kitchen: How basic, how simple! In the evenings I watch fewer independent films and documentaries and more You Tube videos on raw food preparations. Reading recipes in the evening allows me to try out something new the next day.

By the end of the third week of this odyssey, I had various sized crocks and jars filled with fermenting cabbage, tomatoes and peppers. I was sold on the advantages: the fermentation process pre-digests the raw food so the nutrients and minerals are more bio-available once it is in the gut and nutrients like B-Vitamins are generated during the fermentation process. It’s also a preservation method that earns its own keep; no additional energy source like electricity is needed to maintain it. My creativity had its own ferment, and kept bubbling up to the surface of daily domestic life. Craig was enthusiastic too. When he tasted my golden colored seed cracker made of pumpkin, sunflower, sesame and flax seeds with onion, garlic and tumeric, he said, “Wow, this is real food - I never need to eat any junk food again.” As a health practitioner, I knew this information on an intellectual level but now as I began to master the methods of raw food preparation, I was experiencing the power of raw foods in action: I was having a physical revelation that was changing me.

I had been progressively losing weight over the first two weeks of the cleanse but when I had my very last colonic, and saw the volume of dark sludge washing away through the clear tube, I knew a shift had happened. I did indeed lose those puffy areas: my belly and butt flattened, my breasts shrunk a size, my thighs became leaner and those bags under my eyes collapsed. Also, my sense of smell, long disabled, returned and the menopausal hot flashes disappeared. Over the last twenty years, ten pounds had slowly drifted and then settled on to these areas so I felt an incredible sense of return to a younger body. A 52-year-old woman’s dream comes true. I started feeling the same sense of exhilaration I felt when I was doing Qigong during my first remission. While the tumor still resides in my groin, I have a recognizable kind of energy, creativity and trust in myself, which are all markers that I am on a self-healing path. Feeling healthy and confident while eating gorgeous food, and having a guide like Marge to accompany me on this journey, is the only way to live with cancer.

Marge was right once again.

Just Ask her: margaret.justaskmarge@gmail.com

Tumeric Seed Cracker Recipe

2011-10-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

2 cups sunflower seeds
1 cup pumpkin seeds
1 cup flax seed
1/2 cup sesame seed
2 -3 medium onions
2 -3 cloves garlic
1-3 tsp. Tumeric
Salt and Pepper to taste

Put all seeds in one bowl, cover with water an inch or two and soak all seeds overnight. In morning, it will be one wet mass of seeds. Put all the seeds through your food processor or champion juicer with a blank withs onion and garlic. Add spices to your liking - salt, pepper, tumeric.

Spread thinly on parchment paper on your food dehydrator tray or make it thicker if you want a more substantial cracker until they are dry - usually 24 hours or so. 105 temp.

Soaking seeds destroys the protective layer on seeds which makes them difficult to digest.

Some of my favorite raw food recipes so far.

2011-10-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.rawfoodhomerecipes.com/2010/02/asian-slaw/

http://thehealthyeatingsite.com/sunflower-walnut-pate-tuno/

http://www.rawfreedomcommunity.info/forum/forumdisplay.php?s=0d23fd22a9bbecfc7be4ff758859b5c4&f=63

http://mylifeinapyramid.com/2011/04/vegan-cashew-cheese-recipe-tastes-just-like-boursin/

http://www.rawfreedomcommunity.info/forum/showthread.php?t=103

http://www.sustainableeats.com/2011/09/27/preserve-the-bounty-peppers-four-ways-and-an-easy-canning-day-dinner/

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/spicy-curry-kale-salad.html I add 1/3 teaspoon of cayenne.

Ferment Workshop Report

2008-10-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

Eveline Mueller, a nutritionist and skillfull kitchen elf, gave an outstanding demonstration on how to make fermented foods at Parsley Farm on Sunday. We learned how to make kefir, whey, sauerkraut, ginger - lemon - hibiscus soda and fruit kimchi. Eveline shared many samples, insights and techniques for how to use food as medicine, and she discussed how having a direct relationship with live food can be a basis for a healthy body and culture at large.

Sandor Katz, the author of Wild Fermentation, writes, "I have no greater healing skill to share than simple techniques for the fermentation of vegetables. Sauerkraut, kimchi, and pickles will not cure every ailment, but they will contribute to overall well-being. Whether you are the healthiest person in the world, are facing a life threatening health crisis, are living with a chronic disease, or are just like everyone else, live-culture (unpasteurized) fermented foods improve digestion, absorption of nutrients (especially minerals), and immune function. Fermenting vegetables perserves them with their nutrients intact, "predigests" those nutrients into more accessible micronutrients, both vitamins and obscure micronutrients only just beginning to be identified and understood."

At the end of the workshop, the participants said they felt good. Eveline was pleased, she accomplished her mission. She made the point that when we look at and prepare food, their intrinsic qualities should excite us because that's what gets our gastric juices going. In my own ferment after the workshop, I set to work on making the ginger-lemon-hibiscus drink and spicing up my sauerkraut. Today I can report that both are stunning additions to my home cuisine. I think my next ferment will be turnips and rutabagas. We'll look forward to more workshops from Eveline Meuller at Parsley farm.

Elderberry Episode

2008-10-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

Craig gathered 20 lbs of elderberries from Plain, Washington. These tall shrubs dangle their ripe dark blue berries in clusters making picking easy. When you see bear scat loaded with elderberry seeds in this part of the woods, it is not hard to imagine them standing on their haunches gorging on these wild nuggets. Wild berries are nutrient rich; the dark blue/purple ones are particularly good at nourishing the blood. Elderberry is loaded with Vitamin C and potassium; the immune system is protected by bioflavinoids and other proteins in the berry which destroy the ability of cold and flu viruses to infect a cell.

Processing wild food always takes time, allot of time, but the tradeoff is potency. With two huge bowls mounded with berries, I diligently separated the berries from the stem. Elderberries can be a poison to the digestive system if eaten raw so they must be cooked. I used the berries to make jam, bags of pie filling and a syrup. If one of us has a cold coming on we have a tasty arsenal ready and waiting in our pantry.

Syrups are a very delicious and flexible medicinal medium. You can put a tablespoon in plain water, soda water, warm tea, vodka, warm brandy – have a few doses throughout the day. All ages will seek it out when a cold comes on. Here is the recipe I used this year:

Recipe by: Herbs For Health, Glenbrook Farms Herbs

6 cups fresh elderberries
1/3 –1/2 cup honey
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 tablespoon lime juice

Wash & mash elderberries, put through a strainer or a juicer. In a quart pan, mix the elderberry juice with honey, ginger and cinnamon. Cover and simmer for 35 mins. Remove from heat and add the lime juice.

You can add 2 cups of vodka at this stage or leave it nonalcoholic for other applications. Pour in a bottle, cap and store in the refrigerator.

A Positive Sign

2008-10-14T12:10:00.001-07:00

In early September, I was on my usual run with Golda, my dog, to Dead Horse Canyon, a serene little park in South Seattle. It has a creek running through it and two wooden bridges; it is a haven for native plants, wildlife, dog walkers and local residents. With that description you can imagine my fury when I approached the entrance and saw a huge pile of construction debris dumped in the parking lot. This was not the first pile of garbage I had seen at this spot but the magnitude of this dumping got my attention. As I approached, Del Davis, a forest steward, was setting out to consolidate the pile. I encouraged him to look for incriminating evidence in the pile. He later reported that he found four ski passes with a name on it. Our first clue.

My fury still fresh, I grabbed my camera and returned to the pile to take pictures. I returned home and immediately made a cardboard sign to post at the site after the garbage had been removed by the city. Most of the initial words came right away “DUMP YOUR SHIT HERE AND YOUR KARMA WILL DUMP ON YOU”, I consulted with former neighbor, Maurine Malone, by phone to hone the message. She wisely advised me to substitute the word shit with crap and so I did, but I really wanted to write SHIT, YOUR SHIT. Illegal dumping is right up there with animal abuse for me. What kind of mind governs the person who does illegal dumping? Do they have no regard for others or the environment? Do they not think there is a consequence to their actions? Del Davis, the forest steward, thinks that people who do illegal dumping do not know what the word karma means. Whether they know what the word means or not, I believe it is a major violation of the Tao, the reality of interaction: nature and human interaction. Harmonize with nature or pay the consequences. I wanted the person responsible for this dumping to pay.

Nine days later, I did a little detective work and found the e-mail address of the person named on the ski passes. Given his profession at a public university, I assumed he hired a contractor for remodeling and that the contractor did the dumping so I wrote him an e-mail inquiry about whether he might be able to assist in identifying who was responsible for the dumping. In the e-mail, I included a close-up photo of the pile. He wrote back immediately signaling his desire to help with the investigation and a request to involve the parks authorities. He also forwarded my e-mail to Larry Crites, the owner of the house he formerly resided in. Larry Crites was able to identify the construction debris in the photo and contacted the contractor who was responsible for hauling it. In just a matter of hours, Mr. Crites made the bold move of confronting the contractor and getting a confession out of him. Mr. Crites e-mailed me the name and phone number of the responsible party. I forwarded that information to Larry Campbell, a ranger with the Seattle Parks Department. He is now in the process of fining him $500.00. Colleen Hackett, a supervisor for the Parks Department, put in a work order and got a DON'T DUMP ON SEATTLE sign installed in record breaking time at the parking lot at Dead Horse Canyon. My little cardboard sign had been tie wrapped to the official city sign post. I felt honored.

It was a positive sign to me that citizens collaborated and made a difference. The culprit could have gotten away so easily and probably had in the past since he is a contractor that works in other parts of the city but his residence is in South Seattle. The integrity, concerns and actions of four citzens led to our man; the parks department was right in step, penalizing the offender and creating signage to prevent future dumping. Not one of us could have gotten to the bottom of this alone. We were in harmony with the Tao; each other and nature.

Our work is not done, however. All unoccupied land is vulnerable as dumping sites so citizens need to be vigilant and protective of them. I believe it is the perception that no one is watching nor cares which gives dumpers the sense that no one is affected by their actions. My proposal is to establish a collaboration with the Parks Department and an arts organization to fund local artists to make signs which give the opposite message. We are watching. We care. And so should you.

Saving Seeds

2008-10-14T12:06:00.000-07:00

It wasn’t until I had the best tomato in my life that I considered saving seeds. I always thought seed saving was something that only very advanced and sophisticated farmers did. But, it was the Purple Cheyenne heirloom tomato from Salt Creek Farm that turned me into a seed savor. We probably grew and preserved a hundred pounds of tomatoes this year: All from the seeds of one tomato. It’s so simple too. All you do is take the tomato seeds out of your finest ripe specimen and place them in a jar, add a little water and wait a few days for the seeds to ferment. This helps to break down the outer gel casing of the tomato seed. Strain the seeds, rinse with water and let them dry on a paper plate. Package them in an envelop. Easy.

Seeds hold the essence, the whole potential in their tiny package. In Chinese medicine, we understand that jing energy, also called essence, governs the developmental growth processes in the body. It nourishes and fuels the body. It can be strengthened and preserved though diet and lifestyle just as the seeds of tomatoes can be strengthened by good growing conditions; healthy soil, adequate water and plenty of sun. Preserve essence, save seeds: You will be well nourished

Mushroom Hunting

2008-10-06T11:09:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, our friends and guides, Liz Graham and Chris O'Connell, guided us on our yearly mushroom hunt through the old growth forests on the Olympic Peninsula. We had to cross a river twice which meant currents of freezing cold water challenged every barefoot step and rose up to my underwear (I took off my pants). We also walked in the rain for one of the days so we were as moist as any Northwest piece of moss, but like all devout mushroom hunters we were undeterred. There is a very palpable siren call that draws you into the serenity of the forest, guiding you from one beautifully poised mushroom, proud in its singularity, onto the next surprise, a patch of fruiting bodies occupying a down sloping hollow and on you go, deeper and deeper into the forest, knife in hand, bending low. One might disappear; entranced by the mushrooms, giddy from the hunt, footsteps silenced by the deep forest duff. We probably gathered 50 lbs of mostly chanterelles but some massive cauliflower mushrooms and humble hedgehog mushrooms as well. Now, the task at hand is to dry, saute and freeze, and cook up these deliciously earthy morsels.

Do not miss the 2008 Wild Mushroom Exhibit on October 11 & 12th at the Center for Urban Horticulture if you want to learn more about this most abundant member and resource in the Northwest.

Fermentation Workshop

2008-09-24T15:06:00.000-07:00

Sunday, October 19th

1pm - 4pm

$35.00 per person

Parsley Farm

I am excited to introduce Eveline Mueller-Graf, nutritionist and avid food gleaner. She will teach a hands on workshop and address the nutritional benefits of fermented food for the digestive system. We will make kefir, whey, sauerkraut, ginger beer and a fruit kimchi. You will sample all the flavers and come home with a jar of sauerkraut and recipes. Call or e-mail Joyce to register. Space is limited.

Energy at Parsley Farm

2008-09-24T13:54:00.000-07:00

I knew my energy was getting blocked when I would go into Puget Sound Coop and feel steamy mad at the cost of groceries. No matter how nice the checker was at the register I always felt resentful for forking over a bundle of bills for a pitiful amount of food. My internal shout was "FOOD SHOULD NOT COST THIS MUCH!". I knew my energy started to flow when I read Barbara Kingsolver's book, "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" and subsequently suggested to Craig that we should turn our whole lot (4500 sq. ft.) into organic food production. He immediately said, "Yes! I'll cut down the five trees in the front yard so we can farm it." Allot of energy, mostly Craig's energy, went into transforming the yard into garden beds, mini orchards and mushroom and berry growing patches, not to mention a building a chicken coop and a 1500 gallon rain catchment and irrigation system. We started the process in July of 2007 and by February of 2008, we had all our perennial trees, vines, bushes and spores planted as well as our early annual crops like sugar snaps peas, spring greens and potatoes. And, chickens too! Because our timing and soil health was on the mark, we have been eating and preserving an abundant and constant array of fruits and vegetables since last April. My energy goes into orchestrating the daily tasks of seeding and maintaining new crops as well as harvesting the plants at their prime. I made a commitment to myself to eat and preserve the fruit and vegetables when they were screaming with vitality because the forces of stagnation have delayed me in the past resulting in unused and ultimately unattractive food coming out of the garden. This is a very good discipline for me because I find that my energy flows really well when I am faced with a cornucopia of gorgeous food. As a result - my cooking is now inspired and Craig is profoundly appreciative of it; I find enormous satisfaction in every day chores; our chest freezer and cupboards are full and our garden is still churning out fall and winter crops. Craig and I feel more secure in these troubling economic times because we have invested our energy into soil: It's our gold.

How I continue to know that this is a good direction for us is that we are inspired to do more: more research, more water barrels, more growing areas, more food, more recipes. I know our energy is flowing because physical and emotional energy is available for an ever expanding list of tasks, no resistance, and every task brings some satisfaction. We constantly work on our garden and It feeds us, literally. I believe that the goal of just growing food for ourselves and the scale of our operation is what makes it successful for us. A focus on nourishment has brought me to the conclusion that quality food equals a quality life. Probably a simple, biological fact but one that has eluded me up until now.

New Chicks at Parsley Farm

2008-04-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

Boarding Impass

2008-04-10T20:32:00.001-07:00

On the morning that I was leaving for Fort Lauderdale, I could not print my boarding pass at home, then I could not print it at the self check in machine at the airport. Even the woman at the counter had difficulty printing it but I finally got it in my hands and passed through security and went to my gate with a bit of unease. At the gate, I looked for my boarding pass but could not find it anywhere so I asked the man with a Delta uniform if he could print me another one and at the same time I inquired about being bumped from the flight. He told me there was the possibility that I could get bumped and asked me to wait to see if the plane was overbooked. He would call out my name. I stood there with my backpacks slung over one shoulder while my mind tried to scratch out a pattern. It seemed that this was the moment that I could prove something to myself about the nature of a phenomenological universe. In my mind, there were only 2 options for how to look at this picture: I obviously was having obstacles getting the boarding pass and keeping my hands on it because I had such trouble printing it and then losing it, so if I got bumped it would indicate that I was never meant to board this plane. The other option was that If I didn't get bumped then that would mean there is actually no pattern to any of these circumstances and I just made useless and unnecessary assignments to the events that transpired; I made it up in my head. So, I’m standing there alert like a lion about to pounce on her prey because I know that in just a few minutes I am going to get an answer that I’ve been hunting down my whole life. Finally, the man at the counter called my name and informed me that they did not need my seat so I would board the plane. However, he was bumping me up to first class because I offered up my seat.

At the great risk of constructing yet another useless reality – I might suggest that the either/or scenarios I put together in my mind did not leave room for a third option, which went beyond my expectations. J.C. Cooper who wrote Yin & Yang, The Taoist Harmony of Opposites says, “All duality and polarity calls for a resolving third, which is on a plane above the opposites and acts as a catalyst, bringing about a state of equilibrium between extremes….It requires the reconciliation third to rescue the two powers from eternal tension; the interplay and interaction of the third ensures the ultimate completion. I’m not exactly sure if J.C. Cooper’s words apply to my experience, but hopefully I’ll get more chances to give test questions to the universe. If anyone reading this has any answers please clue me in by commenting.

Stroke of Insight

2008-03-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroanatomist, discusses the awareness she had while having a stroke. She also speaks to the experience of surrender and deep inner peace which is part of the circuitry of the right hemispheres of our brain. I also have noticed from working with elders who have had strokes that when forced to surrender function and former abilities from brain injury, they seem to acquire a sense of peace within themselves. Very yin yang.

Level One Yi Ren Qigong Class

2008-03-17T18:13:00.000-07:00

This class teaches the foundational exercises for practicing Yi Ren Qigong. It sets the groundwork for cultivating receptivity to our own bodies and developing self-healing skills. In this class we learn a series of gentle and relaxing movement and breathing exercises which are designed to refresh, restore and reorganize our minds and bodies. Instructor: Joyce Greenberg,L.Ac

When: Mondays, May 5 - June 23 (8 weeks)
Time: 6:30p.m. - 7:45pm
Where: SE Seattle Senior Center
4655 S. Holly St. (corner of S. Holly and Rainier Ave. S.)

Cost: $125.00 / $85.00 seniors

To Register: call SE Seattle Senior Center: 722-0317

Spring Detox Class, Sat., May 10, 11a.m -1p.m.

2008-03-14T13:05:00.000-07:00

Get a fresh start this spring with a detoxifying cleanse! We are fortunate to have Karen Lamphere, a whole foods nutritionist teach this class. She will discuss diets and supplements that support cleansing and detoxification. This is a great way to strengthen immunity, lose that excess winter weight, or simply feel great as you rejuvenate your body with the change in seasons. You will receive a 7 day protocol with recipes, menus and supporting therapies. Karen will serve a yummy light lunch. Location: Joyce's kitchen. Cost: $35. per person. Call Joyce to register: 760-4828 or let me know your interest by commenting here. limit 10 people.

Get a Jump on Spring

2008-03-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the transition between winter and spring can be rugged. It is warming up and there is more light outside but we still feel sluggish and dull. Acupuncture can help move your Qi and detoxifying herbs like nettle, chickweed, dandelion and burdock will nourish and clean your blood.

Come in for a spring tune-up treatment and receive a complimentary 5 day supply of organic tonic and cleansing herbs.

Call Joyce at 760-4828 or comment here if you have a question.

How To Make An Herb Infusion

2008-03-13T19:53:00.000-07:00

Let's face it: Our soils are depleted of nutrients and we don't eat enough veggies or roots. Infusions of leaves, flowers and roots are an inexpensive, gentle and real way to incorporate essential vitamins and minerals on a daily level. With Infusions we steep leaves, flowers and roots in order to extract their medicinal properties. I notice that when I consistently make infusions, I do not get colds and I wake up in the morning without the need for caffeine although oxygenating my system with exercise is always a necessity.

To make an infusion, simply boil 1 quart of water per 1/4 cup of herb (or 1 cup of water to 1 Tablespoon of herb). Pour water over the herb(s) sitting at the bottom of a jar and let steep for a minimum of 4 hours. A canning jar holds the heat well. Be sure to use a cover on your jar. I make my infusions in the evening and let the jar sit overnight. In the morning I strain the herbs and pour off the liquids into another jar or glass. I drink the infusion as a tonic throughout the day. You can heat up the infusion or drink it cold depending on what is best for your constitution. The slightly bitter flavor of some infusions are beneficial for cleansing the blood of toxins.

Why Yin and Yang Matters

2008-03-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

Why does it matter if yin and yang is in balance? Why do all these Chinese medicine practitioners, martial artists and Taoists keep bringing up the topic? The answer is that it is part of a larger description of the general structure of the universe; its dynamics and laws. It is relevant to me because it gives me a framework to understand why it matters if I maintain internal balance or not.

Yin and yang describe polarities that are in a dynamic tension at all times. Tension because they are in a forced relationship, one cannot exist without the other and dynamic because they are in constant motion, alternating and fluxing. When yang is strong, yin must be weak and visa versa. For example, when we have fever (too much yang) we often are dehydrated (not enough yin/water); when one person is too assertive (yang) in a relationship, the other is usually too passive (yin); when the mind is too active (yang) the body often cannot rest and get sleep (yin) or when we are stuck or depressed (yin) we lack activity and resist change (yang). When there is balance then harmony is experienced in one's health and wholeness in one’s spirit and relationships. There is a kind of dynamic flow which characterizes how one navigates and moves through their day. An out of balance state brings extremes and an uncomfortable feeling of tension within oneself. Obstacles present difficulties, we polarize and react, finding opposition at every turn. Recognizing the relative balance of yin and yang in my current life and then reconciling how I may need to shift my energy so balance is re-established is something I need to do daily, hourly. With awareness and a whole lot of Qigong practice I can do it instantly and flow from one moment to the next, naturally.

Learning Languages

2008-03-05T10:29:00.000-08:00

This is a fascinating look into how an autistic woman experiences her world. She translates for those of us who interact on a more symbolic level with language and shows us that the interaction she has with her environment on a sensory level gives her just as much meaning. Very enlightening and moving.

Make Your Own Shampoo

2008-03-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

If you are concerned about low-grade toxic chemicals in your body care products then go to www.cosmeticdatabase.com to check out what ingredients are in your products and how hazardous they are to your health.

Looking up my shampoo and finding the results sent me on a mission to make my own shampoo. This is a recipe from the herbalist, Rosemary Gladstar, that works for my hair and actually gives it more natural body than my previous expensive shampoo promised. It is quick and inexpensive to make and lends itself to experimentation in terms of which herbs you add to the recipe. I like to put rosemary in my shampoo because it has a refreshing and stimulating scent but use those herbs that give you a positive feeling or that you can pluck straight from your garden. You can get unscented castile soap (Dr. Bronner's) or ones with peppermint and lavender. I prefer the unscented one. This recipe did not leave my hair a tangled mess after shampoo so conditioner is not necessary but I often use a rinse of infused nettle after shampooing. Some herbs can be found at your local natural food store but www.mountainroseherbs.com has a complete selection of organic herbs and spices at a reasonable price.

8 ounces distilled water
1 house herbs (see below)
3 ounces liquid castile soap
1/4 teaspoon jojoba oil
25 drops pure essential oil (optional)

1. Bring water to a boil. Add the herbs, cover, and let simmer over low heat fo 15 -20 minutes. Strain and cool.

2. Slowly add the castile soap to the tea, then mix in the jojoba oil and essential oil. Store in a plastic container with a flip-top lid in the shower or bath. Shake before using.

Herbs for Dark Hair: mix a combination of any of these herbs. sage leaf, nettles, rosemary, black walnut hull (chopped), comfrey leaf.

Herbs for Blond Hair or highlights: calendula, chamomile flower, comfrey leaf

Herbs for Dry Hair: calendula, marsh mallow root, nettle leaf

Herbs for Oily Hair: rosemary, witch hazel bark, yarrow leaf and flower

Leap into Chaos

2008-03-01T13:26:00.000-08:00

Last weekend Craig cut down a whole hedgerow along the property line between our yard and our neighbor's yard to make way for the northwest native plants we will plant this spring. Faced with extreme exposure because now we had no visual barrier between us and our neighbors and a HUGE pile of sticks, I decided that I needed to bundle the sticks and use them as a fence. An airy visual blur of slicks would give me the privacy I had grown accustomed to.

It seemed like such a good idea - right? Well, when I was suddenly faced with sorting through that pile of sticks, I felt annoyed that they didn't just all stand up and get into order for me so I could simply tie twine around them. No, I had to pull, yank; get scrapped and cut; prune, chop and saw the tough, lean long lengths of wood. At first I thought I could create some kind of order, get the thicker sticks in the back of the bundle, but after doing battle with too many sticks so I could get my desired thick stick, I realized that I had to abandon that plan. No, what was required of me was to just jump in to the pile, start pulling out sticks randomly and then make sense of them after they were tangled free. After I let go of my plan - I was able to move swiftly and piles of sticks started forming on the ground until I had enough for a bundle. And then another bundle. And then 12 bundles. When I tied up my first bundle, it occurred to me that humans have an instinct to create order out of chaos. The I-ching is just lines, originally yarrow stalks, which offers a structure and progression for all things human. Was I making my own hexagram in every bundle I made? From my experience, when I am dealing with raw materials whether it is a pile of sticks or a lump of clay or a dream state, I find it challenging but interesting and satisfying to render and manipulate it. It's not any single idea that will begin the progression from raw material to finished form but rather the sheer intention and energy to make it so. Only by leaping into the chaos will I ever progress.

wabi-sabi

2007-02-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

I had spent the last few weeks not only learning how to make matcha, the traditional powdered green tea of Japan, but also how to make tea bowls, pinched and trimmed by hand. Tea bowls in Japan are highly valued as daily and ritual objects. They can cost between $100.00 and $10,000. These exquisite objects come from lineages of raku masters who express the wabi-sabi aesthetic: their perfection is in their imperfection because nothing exists without a mar, a dent, a showing of use or wear, Also, their completeness is in their incompleteness because every object is in a constant state of becoming, dissolving, changing. They emerge from nothingness and return to nothingness. Richard R. Powell summarized wabi-sabi as, “It nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.”

After learning the techniques of making a tea bowl out of clay, I started to feel a sense of quiet liberation. Not only was it OK for the bowl to be imperfect, it would be more prized if it were so. If I over-think or make corrections, the clay will reflect this state of mind and I will interfere with the natural spontaneous expression of the clay itself. I translated this to myself: I can be my authentic self and it is okay, imperfections are natural, beautiful even. I felt pressure dissolving inside me.

My mentoring in the art of tea making was not the ceremonial kind, but the daily drink kind. I was shown how to put the powdered green tea in a certain temperature water and whisk it until a light green foam forms on top and I was also shown how to drink from the bowl.

An order from Japan finally arrived which contained three different grades of tea, a bamboo scoop and a whisk. A tea bowl was given to me by my mentor. With supplies and training in hand, I was now ready to make my first cup of matcha. I put three scoops of the tea into hot water, whisked vigorously, got no foam on top but decided to drink the mixture regardless. A few minutes later, I had a distinct uprising feeling coming from my belly so I rushed to the toilet where I threw up my first cup of matcha. Empty. Back to the beginning. Perfect.

Images of Action

2007-01-16T15:30:00.001-08:00

My web developer (Rebecca) has been masterfully assisting me in developing a new professional and public identity via yinyangvision.com. While working on the finishing touches for that site, she asked me to provide a few photos of myself. The images were needed that day. However, the moment she requested those photos, I felt as though an alarm went off. I was flooded with self-consciousness. A voice in my head was asking questions like: ‘who am I, anyways?’ And, ‘who am I now?’ I scrambled to look for photos on my hard drives and quickly came to the realization that I didn’t have a single current photo of myself. Not one. All of my photo albums are irretrievably imprisoned on a dead G4 Macintosh. Worse, my digital camera is broken. And even worse, my hair looked like crap that day. I felt profound blockage. Yet that sensation, although heavy, was very short-lived because something shifted in me. I realized that all those photos represented my previous identity, and that if I was to forge a new identity I needed photos that were current. I swung into action. I got out our old Sony camcorder, took it outside where it was snowing, placed it on a post, and in a quick series of movements, captured myself on digital video. I brought the footage into I-movie, slowed it down until I saw images of myself where I felt some recognition and ease, then I captured still frames of those images. Before the day was out I sent them off to be placed by Rebecca onto the website. I moved from blockage into action, the old me into the new me.